"No, I'm fine, grazie, grazie"

When I fell flat on my face in front of a crowd of Italian tourists in Stansted airport, I knew this was a sign of things to come. A deadly embarrassing combination of humiliation and clumsiness, I just knew that today, was not going to be my day.
“Oh, no don’t mind me!” I practically boomed across the terminal as I scurried to the departure gate. Where I slipped twice and almost headbutted an elderly German lady. This is all before the distressing turbulence on the flight. I am not good on planes, and the man sat next to me wasn't the most comforting of men as I began to wail and cling to the armrests.
I've spent the last five months in Strasbourg, France and this sort of experience sums up that time - a really great anecdote. As I write this, in my poky studio apartment, the heating still not fixed after four months and a face like Grumpy Cat, I know that I've outstayed my welcome. New pastures lie ahead! Fresh fields of Spanish gold, my own ROAD TO EL DORADO! But first, I have to pack. Two suitcases. That’s what came with me to France, and that’s what’s gotta leave with me too. Sounds simple enough on paper, but as a student with a serious Zara and Mango dependence, it ain't that easy, folks. For an hour now, I have been re-configuring the layout of my wheelie bag. Books on top or side pouch? Shoes in side pouch too? Finally, I zipped it shut. I walked back over to my bed, smug in the knowledge that my mother won't have to unpack everything and do it again "the proper way" and snuggled back under my duvet. DAMMIT! The duvet! Everything fits but the bloody duvet! Back to square one. After drawing the conclusion that buying another duvet in Spain is horribly impractical, and that money is much better off hanging up in my wardrobe, I'm at my own stress arcade, playing suitcase Tetris again. I have sat on the suitcase. I have rolled my delicates up and stuffed them in my shoes. I have even considered burning probably important paperwork. I loved my time in France, and I'm more than physically ready to accept that I am probably going to fall over in front of foreigners again in Spain, but take my advice children, part one of Things People Don’t Tell You About Your Year Abroad – that dress looks tempting now, but when it’s time to leave, and your mum isn't there to pack everything up properly for you, the bloody duvet won’t fit. 

Lessons in Living Alone

As an introvert, I find the idea of living alone fairly appealing. Impromptu dance parties, singing as loudly as I can at the top of my lungs and no queues for the bathroom in the morning - I FLOURISH IN THIS ENVIRONMENT. But is it all La Vida Loca? Well, sort of yes, though as with most things, there are downsides. 8am starts are not encouraged in "Casa Hope", in fact, they are frowned upon. But missing one means that I am frowned upon, and the glare of an angry French woman is not the glare I ever wish to be scrutinised by again. Oh and when the fridge breaks, and all the electricity goes out at 11pm, there will be no-one there to dry your tears and work out how to get the hot water running again, oh no, you'll have to spend the night in a hotel (which ends up having a bath and being much nicer and comfier than your own apartment).
I have never been too dependent on others to provide entertainment or conversation - not that I talk to myself THAT much - and I do not find myself vying for attention after fifteen minutes of solitude, but as I am sure many of you agree, finding someone already in the house as you return after a long day can be particularly pleasant. And something I miss from second year. Coming home for Christmas in mid-December and being suddenly startled awake by my little sister squealing at me asking me to paint her nails and having to have quicker showers because my brother is banging on the bathroom door, I realised that still, since that (albeit dramatic) post in September about missing the central heating and the fridge, I still do miss them and I am not ashamed. Though I do like living thirty seconds away from a kebab shop and being able to use up all the hot water myself. I almost thrive on it, in fact.
Next semester I will bid adieu to my scary landlord, scarier neighbours and almost certainly haunted apartment (seriously, it's either that or there's a flock of birds trapped and living in the walls) and live in Spain in an apartment with two flatmates, and although part of me is excited to experience the difference between living alone and with other people, I can't help but worry. WHAT ABOUT THE DANCING? WHAT WILL BECOME OF THE DANCING? Will my standard "stand with feet firmly on the ground and just bend your knees and bop about a bit" move become so unpractised that the next time I attempt it, I'LL JUST FALL OVER? It's all too much to bear. All I can do is hope they're fans of Strictly and we can recreate the routines in the kitchen. Failing that, my next blog post will be a plea to all people about the importance of an impromptu dance party. I'll start typing it up now...

Christmas and Other Reasons I Love Strasbourg

Like the holiday season itself, the minus degrees landed in StrazzyB with a thud (I fell over, the shame) these past few weeks. I was rudely awoken at 9am Friday morning to witness the rising of The Star of Bethlehem in the square outside my window, and just like that two hours later when I eventually did wake up, Christmas was here! For all its oddities; milk in a tube, Sunday slumpday and angry cyclists, Strasbourg knows how to deliver Christmas. Though the "capital of Christmas'" markets may not be open until this coming week, the preparations have been going on for about a fortnight and the Christmas fanatic inside me is begging for a glass of vin chaud and roasted chestnuts. Which leads me on to reasons I really love StrazzyB. Though it was cruel and mean at the start of my stay, holding me back from finding accommodation, confusing me with its university mumbo jumbo and this week, having someone steal my student identity (more later), it's pretty top notch. I am not going to be groundbreaking by saying how beautiful it is, or how quaint and unique, you all already knew that. Nope, I love Strasbourg because nowhere else in the world I can imagine, can you get a kebab at any hour of the day or night and be asked if you want a side of curry wurst. Except maybe Germany, but I am not in Germany, so I do not know. Nowhere else will you find a café that opens at 7am, and closes at 11pm...on a Sunday. And I will happily bet good money that nowhere else will you find such good pretzels. Alright, so food is on my mind a lot. But I thought it might make Strazzy sound a bit odd if I told you about the punk who wanders around permanently drunk with a boombox under his arm, and the man with no nose who plays saxophone. They're génial too. My madcap capers and experiences are seriously great. A special shout out to the man from the kebab shop, who wishes me a "BONJOUR HELLO MY BRITISH FRIEND!" every morning as I pass by.
Now, back to what I am sure is bamboozling you all. "Hope, what do you mean someone stole your student identity?" Well, pals, are we ready for story time? After nine weeks without my student card, I decided to give up. They knew I was here, attending classes and exams - check me out - I was growing sick of the sentence "Il n'est pas disponible" (It's not available). This theory was working out for me, I was living the high life, coffee from the machine, baguette from the law faculty cafeteria and I was looking fierce and French - no laughing. But then the bombshell came. An email from the head of the Erasmus programme at university telling me my student card had been stolen. "Oh" I thought. "Why would someone do that?" Emailing back the lecturer, she informed me that someone had been attending classes under my name in the law and science faculties. Part of me was confused and slightly scared that someone was pretending to be me, but of course, I was hugely flattered. Me! A muse! To a thief and rebel of learning, sticking it to the man, and I am the face and name of the operation! Though in the back of my mind there is something a bit Dog the Bounty Hunter about it, this is another reason why I love Strasbourg. Someone - one hopes a female, since my face is on that card - has gone underground in the name of education, and for nearly an entire semester, gotten away with it. I applaud you, you rabble-rousing science and law renegade for actually succeeding. But I'd rather like my student card back now, please. I want something to stick into my scrapbook.

"Ugh I'm so sick of being stared at on public transport!"

Have you or a loved one ever said this sentence before? If the answer is yes (and it will inevitably be) you're probably a student living in France! Yes that's right ladies and gentlemen, on average, 10 out of 10 Erasmus students will complain that the old lady on the tram is tutting at their skirt, or her husband isn't, if you catch my drift. But fear not, for here at HMCS Industries, we're here to help! Just following these ten simple rules to surviving life in France, and you'll go from obvious exchange student, to Français(e) in no time!

1. YOU ARE NUMBER ONE. PUSH.
The public transport system over here in France can be a tricky one to figure out. Tram delays, confusing bus routes and constant road works, the confusion never ends! To deal with the endless issues of getting around in StrazzyB, I don't make the mistake of renting a bike, oh no. You will be far more respected and approved of if you just lose all sense of Britishness, queueing and all, and just PUSH THROUGH THE QUEUES FOR THE TRAM. Like your life depended on it. And when I say queues, I mean the slow moving glob of people shuffling about in a little group attempting to get onto the tram. They are all doing the same. So push.

2. IF IN DOUBT, BUY EIGHT BAGUETTES AT ONCE
It's a cliché for a reason, the more baguettes the better, mes amis! The bulk buying of the French favourite, in my opinion is half the reason for rule 1 - when Nana Genevieve comes trundling along with her arms stacked with baguettes, she's looking for a prime spot on that tram, and God help you if any snap in half when she uses them as battering rams...

3. STAY OUT OF THE CYCLE LANES
I learnt this the hard way. Cyclists hate pedestrians. Cyclists especially hate pedestrians blocking the cycle lanes and will verbally abuse them in a very angry French spiel. If you are going to do it, have a "ta geule!" up your sleeve. And then run. Very fast.

4. SAY YES.
Not to like, robbing a bank, or the ladies of the night circling the tram stops at questionable hours, but to the nights out, the people hawking free magazines, the bus into Germany, the cheap Milka and silly hats in Germany and the ridiculous lectures. I don't think I'd be half as happy as I am if I'd have gone "no, I'll pass on the tarte flambée, thanks". Yes man handing out leaflets about a pie eating competition, I'll go, and yes madam with her clipboard asking if my experience in the Orange shop was good, let's have a chinwag shall we?

5. NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF TEA
When Sundays set in and everything seems a little blue, a good cup of tea will literally lift your spirits through the roof. It gets cold in North-east France, and as I sit here, with my hat on, curled under my duvet typing with mittens on, I thank Brigitte Bardot herself that I bought a kettle.

6. EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED
I write this particular rule after a very unexpected evening. A blown fusebox, call to the landlord, panic to my mother and an hour later, I am in a hotel. Yes, only I would have an issue so inexplicable that I am not able to sleep in my own apartment. Did I mention this all happened after a lecture in which a young man discussed the future of "ladies of the night" and the numerous reasons that they will one day be replaced by robots? No? Yeah, that's cause I wasn't expecting it either. 

7. TAKE EVERYTHING IN YOUR STRIDE
I have been nanoseconds away from being ran over by a bike so many times in France. Approached by homeless men asking for money, and been on the receiving end of a very drunk deranged woman on the tram. This is now my life. And what can I do about it? Take it on the chin. As my evening would show, France throws anything and everything at you, usually fabulous bread and cheese, but on the occasion that you get stuck with no electricity, you've gotta use the France-tra (remember that?) and say EH, THAT'S FRANCE!

8. DOCUMENT. EVERYTHING.
Seriously. I don't think a day has gone by here in France without me taking a photo of something cool or interesting or funny. No matter how big or small, from the awesome Cathedral to graffiti that stated "WALTER WHITE IS HEISENBERG" I have got snaps of it all. And share them! A quick email to parents or friends can not only cause some serious jealousy of everyone back in Blighty, but looking back on snaps you take can make you go "ah, that was fun, so glad I said yes to that tarte flambée!"

9. IT'S NOT WEIRD TO GO ALONE
Introverts rejoice! Whilst in the UK, you might get a raised eyebrow or sympathetic glance from an elderly lady as you eat at a restaurant alone, even going to the cinema on your seul gets a few glances. But not here, thank you France! This weekend, Eddard Stark, his crew and myself spent around three hours in a café, completely blending in. Ahhh yes. Whilst I am a firm believer in the tourist lifestyle, sometimes nothing can beat a good day out on your own. Does this make me sad? Nope, I like to think it makes me a local.

10. IGNORE ALL THESE RULES
Yeah okay so blood, sweat and tears went into creating this blog post, over three days of planning and asking people what I should include, but it's fine, REEEEEALLY, just sack the whole thing off. In all seriousness (new for me, I know) everyone's year abroad is different, and when I go to Spain, I'm 99.9% sure it'll be different too. If you take anything away from this, it should really be the following three things: say yes to bread, buy a woolly jumper and make sure you ring your mum at least once a week. 

Hello, This is Newsround.

It dawned on me at 8am, sat in an exam, remembering I'd forgotten to apply mascara today, that I remembered something else. I've been here for two months. Two months that have apparently flown by. And although my life in France has somewhat resembled a National Lampoon film, I managed to scramble to my feet, and do feel I've had the odd victoire and raison d'etre en France. From the family road trip, to my day of constant delays coming home for a week and everything in between, I've handled l'Hexagone the only way I know how - with confidence and grace. No seriously, I've just rolled with the punches and had a laugh. Two months self sufficiently speaking to people in a foreign language, reading it and writing it, if you'd have told me at the beginning of first year that I'd be living below a salsa lover and above a bar, living off kiwi fruit and baguettes, I would have laughed in your face (as politely as possible) and skipped off to have a chinwag with my friends. Yet here I am - or was - I'm on my quarterly victory tour at home - merrily sipping Starbucks blended coffee, nibbling on tea loaf (something I have missed so hardcore), feeling actually pretty damn proud of myself. Which is why, halfway through my vie Strasbourgeoise I have decided to compile a list of a few of my defining French moments and give myself a virtual pat on the back. Feel free to join me.
THAT TIME I RENTED A FLAT
Oh memories. It seems so long ago that I was a poor street urchin, Éponine from Les Mis with Google Maps, shall we say. But despite my setbacks, trials and tribulations of life in a dingy hostel, I Dreamed A Dream (sorry) that I'd find a place to live, and just like Susan Boyle herself, dreams do come true as I managed to secure what to the untrained eye looks like a minuscule studio, but to a desperate Erasmus student, is Buckingham Palace. Those two weeks in hostel limbo is what I think I'll use in the future when my hypothetical children complain about homework. "Think maths is hard? Live in France alone for a fortnight trying to find somewhere to live, that's hard!" Either way, that was a defining, grown up moment.
THAT TIME I WAS FINALLY MISTAKEN FOR A FRANCAISE
Such a satisfying sentence to type. Half asleep half awake walking to meet Gina for the day's first coffee, I was approached by two girls looking worried and lost. As they scrambled over, the first thought was they wanted to report a robbery, as reflecting on my outfit, I was one beret away from joining the Gendarmes, but the panic was soon over as they asked for directions to a bakers, something I was worryingly expert on. I am assuming they thought I was French, so until someone asks me which province I originate from, this is my victory in that department. One to tick off the bucket list...
THAT TIME I FINALLY LEARNT MY WAY AROUND
About three weeks into French-ventures, I thought it was about time I learnt my way around. I had been like Bambi on ice, gingerly learning directions, using the cathedral spire as my beacon of life, but no more! It was about time I stopped calling streets "Rue de that one with the nice patisserie" and "Avenue de homeless man who letches at you" and be my own walking, talking City Guide. How very grown up.
THAT TIME I HAD A CHAT ABOUT AMERICAN LITERATURE WITH A CAB DRIVER
One of the more bizarre situations and nights of my life led to a taxi home from Germany with a cab driver with a passion for reading and learning English. Despite this, it was my first full French conversation and we discussed why I like Salinger and his opinion on Sylvia Plath, later on in the conversation discovering he had three Virginia Woolf novels in his glove compartment and wanted some recommendations of my own. We also spoke a bit in Spanish and talked about food. StrazzyB, the only city I have ever felt comfortable alone in a taxi, because the driver told me his kids like watching Titou le Lapinou. Is this one of those KER-AZY surreal moments people talk about happening on their year abroad? Cause surreal it was.
THAT TIME FRANCE SUNK IN FOR WHAT IT REALLY IS
I love France. Of course I do, I live there. With its cheeses, wines, beautiful sights and history, it's one of my favourite places in the world. But they can be so backwards. The iPhone owner in me of course let out a wail of anguish at the lack of universal 3G (sort it out, France) and the obsession with midnight salsa lessons to this day perplex me, but that's not it. Maybe it was the maggoty cheese, the pesto flavour crisps or the seeded grapes, but I experienced the culture shock to end all culture shocks. Milk in a tube. Like a paste. And it's EVERYWHERE. Not just your hippy dippy deli's or your corner shops, but in every hypermarché and Épicerie, France hides a dark secret from us across the channel. They love UHT milk. In a tube. And as much as I love you, l'Hexagone, this is something I cannot comprehend. Also, sort out your semi-skimmed/full fat situation, buying blue top for semi-skimmed doesn't sit right with my British mentality. But then again, at least I have a separate option from the tube of milk. Maybe I can deal with that first world problem.
These moments, though hilarious and enlightening to my life are not the only things to have happened, but as my tea blog post shows, if I posted about every little thing; the time I bought cheap peanut butter, paid my electricity bill, fixed the broken sink and did a presentation, I'd never have time to demonstrate my natural wit, elegance and charisma. Which is exactly how I managed to angle a free train ride that one time. 
Anyone for a croissant?

Does This Mean I'm a Grown Up?

I think I'm an adult.
This sentence as I type it throws me into such a state of panic and anguish that I scatter quickly back into bed, hide under the covers and watch Ugly Betty on Netflix. Almost like that scene on Freaky Friday when they realise what's happened. It's scary, when? How? Why?!
But I cannot escape the feeling, that I am genuinely grown up. I know, I was meant to be grown up already, paying my electricity bill, looking after my student loan and buying fruit. Which I am doing (really, mum!), but to me, it's always felt like it should be more than drinking coffee rather than tea and reading the Telegraph, not just doing the sudoku. Which is why the realisation that I AM AN ADULT hit me where I least expected it - living in France at the age of 20. But it didn't hurt.
Between you and I, friends of the Internet, today I bought some novelty hats in Germany. Not just any novelty hat no, this is not your bog standard party hat with a streamer, or your day to day reindeer antlers, I bought felt hats, in the shape of dogs, elephants and bees. Oh, and I bought five. Now, before we all have a chuckle, thinking "Oh, Hope, you fruit loop, why? Could you not have bought something useful like pens and a microwave?" to which I respond "Yes, you are correct, stranger who I have just made up to be saying such a thing, I could have done so. But my mum asked me to buy them." This, however isn't the embarrassing bit. Not in the slightest. Helplessly in the €1 Store whilst paying for my five felt novelty hats, and receiving that look of disdain  and sigh of "tourists..." from the cashier, I realised I didn't know how to ask for a bag in German. Oh no. On the verge of tears, my heart beating, and being cast aside for the woman behind me paying for a toilet brush, I was forced to leave without a bag. Holding the novelty hats. I was practically forced out of the shop into the streets, clutching hats in the shape of animals. I kept an understandably low profile walking through the town, certain that the Germans were pointing and laughing at the blonde girl with a bumblebee hat in hand, so obviously needing a bag, before quickly ducking into the supermarket to buy something in order to get a bag. I will admit that my supermarket purchase was smooth peanut butter, since it's over €4 in France and only €2 in Deutschland, so my sassy ascent into fully fledged adult life hit a small but delicious snag. But as I skipped out of Kehl, my animal hats now safely hidden from public sight, I realised that I hadn't worn any of the hats in the street, and for this, I was a grown up. With peanut butter.
Maybe this is more of a silly post about felt hats, but after a long arduous process finding my feet in France, socially and with university (STILL looking at you, NTU admin...), learning how to pay the electricity company and just getting to grips with something that for a long time didn't feel real, it was glorious to have a little grown up victory. I even drank coffee the other day, one that wasn't 85% steamed milk too! Well played, France and Germany, you made me responsible. Now, how do you go about making Spatzle..?
Oh and if you're wondering: Kann ich bitte eine Tasche?

The Bucket List

So I haven't done a post in a while, and for this I can only ask for forgiveness, but this week has been a blur of being ill, trying to sort out my life both here and in the UK (NTU admin, I'm still waiting for your emails!) and honestly I had nothing particularly good to write about other than a bizarre but enjoyable night out on Friday resulting in heckles from passing cars as I walked home from a club that's actually a boat.
However here I am, racking my brain once again for things to blog about, just not really getting anywhere. But then it hit me, I had a little bucket list! Never written anywhere, but contained in my odd little brain, ready for me to forget as soon as something new came along and pushed it out. So the time has come for me to actually jot it down, and where better to do so than on the number 1 thing on said list - my blog?
VISIT A FOREIGN COUNTRY
So technically I went to Germany today, only over the boarder, but nevertheless, I crossed country! But a two hour trip that took ten minutes on the bus wasn't really what I meant. Switzerland, Sweden, Germany, Czech Republic, Denmark, Holland, my list of European nations yet to be graced with my presence continues to rack up, and for me, that's what Erasmus is about. Having a laugh on a train trying to speak a bit of broken French and Spanish. And the odd German word, fantastisch!
MAKE MY OWN SPATZLE
Okay, I know I talk about Alsatian noodles like they're going out of fashion, but I learnt how to make them recently, and even for me, it looks fairly easy! I feel as though my favourite comfort food might start adding up if I depend purely on restaurants to cook them for me, so trying to be a domestic goddess might be a good idea.
BE MISTAKEN FOR FRENCH
It's with a heavy heart I say I need to stop posing outside road signs. The constant stream of "sigh, I speak English you know" coming from the pouty mouthed women working in the patisseries is getting too much for me to handle. As are the pouty mouthed student in their sunglasses sipping espresso. The sign posing must stop, Hope. It is time to be pouty and French. At least until the Christmas markets arrive.
USE 20€ AND GET AS FAR AS POSSIBLE
Sounds fairly impossible, but 2€ gets you into Germany, and then the possibilities are endless...
RENT A BIKE
Yes, I know, my previous post about cycling makes me sound like a Monty Python sketch, but I cannot justify spending five months in France sans un vélo. It's time I faced my fears, show the woman who failed my cycling proficiency that she was wrong and this time, not ride into a parked car. Just call me Victoria Pendleton.
VISIT A COUNTRY WHERE I DON'T KNOW ANY WORDS
Sweden's ABBA Museum, I'm coming for you.
GO TO EVERY MUSEUM IN STRAZZYB
Many merci's to my Student Culture Card, I can visit any Alsatian museum for free, and I fully intend to. Already ticked off the list; the Zoological Museum and the Alsatian Museum. Personally, I can't wait for the day we visit the Wallpaper Museum, Stamp Museum or Cheese Museum. Life doesn't get more thrilling, I'm sure you'll agree.
GO TO THE TOP OF THE EIFFEL TOWER...FINALLY.
I've been to Paris twice already and despite playing the perfect tourist, have never made it to the top of the Eiffel Tower. Reasons vary between it being too cold or that I'd walked to the second floor already and at that point was ready to give up. Third time's a charm. Oh, also visit Paris.

Of course I could be really boring and add "get fluent in French" or "stop speaking so much English" but those are givens, and would both make for a fairly boring bucket list. This is also just half of what I actually want to achieve, but I'll save "visit the IKEA flagship" and "find the Starbucks in Baden-Baden" for another list. Entitled "Things I REALLY REALLY Want to Do"